Bela Lugosi—Dope Addict

Bela Lugosi—Dope Addict


“They die—DEAD!!!”
“I die—LIVE!!!”
—Bela Lugosi
Son of Frankenstein (1939)

Once an addict—always an addict
How long was—Bela Lugosi addicted?
He looks pretty loaded—in Dracula
All that Transylvanian—melodrama
Disguising how—stoned he was

And then toward the—cheap End
Willing to star in—Ed Wood’s flops
Plan 9 From Outer Space—a loser
Glen or Glenda—what a performance
Bride of the Monster—just terrible

Martin Landau—playing Bela
In Tim Burton’s Ed Wood (1994)
Johnny Depp—saves Bela’s life
Can’t help but—noticing all the
Track marks—up Bela’s arm


“Back in the old days, yes...
Now, no one gives two fucks for Bela.”
—Bela Lugosi, Ed Wood (1994)

Bela was—very goodlooking
Back in the good old days—
“The women—they preferred
The traditional monsters, then”

Suave, cool, sophisticated—
Bela had a way with women
“You must be double-jointed—
And speak Hungarian,” he said.

But time moved on—for Bela
Hollywood chewed him up and
Spit him out—pretty soon he
Became just an ex-boogeyman


“Why would Lugosi wanna
do a sex-change flick?”
—Georgie Weiss, Ed Wood (1994)

It all begins with—Christine Jorgensen
Variety printing—her shocking story
Then Ed Wood—doing his own version
Ending up with putrid—Glen or Glenda

Presold in Tulsa—you know all those
Repressed Okies—going for all that sick
Twisted perverted stuff—the poster
Leering lewdly—“I CHANGED MY SEX!!!”

The louche story grabs people—shocks them
It's about this guy—he’s crazy about his girlfriend
But he likes to wear her dresses & angora sweaters
Should he not tell her? Such tacky melodrama!!!


“This is the most uncomfortable
coffin I've ever been in. You are
wasting my time.”
—Bella Lugosi, Ed Wood (1994)

Cardboard headstones—tipped over
Spooky graveyards—obviously phony
Lobo bumps into—the scenery walls
But the crappy movies—keep coming on

And there’s Bela—old decrepit wreck
Bent over in pain—full of old memories
Needing some dough—for his next fix
The ingenious duo—Eddie and Bela!!!

Eddie asking Vampira—for a date
Star of his opus—Plan 9 From Outer Space
“But I thought you—were a fag,” she says.
“Of course not,” Eddie says. “Just transvestite”


“Dracula requires presence.
It's all in the eyes, and the
voice, and the hands...”
—Bella Lugosi, Ed Wood (1994)

Bela gets riled up—all pissed-off
“Karloff does not deserve—to smell
My shit!!!—Limy cocksucker!!!”
Ready to roll the camera—Roll it!!!

Scarier in real life—than in movies
Can your heart stand—the shocking truth?
The Awful Facts—of the True Story?
Bela Lugosi—as Vampire Transvestite?

Meanwhile Dr. Vornoff—falls into the Pit
And all the Daughters of Dracula—moan
And groan for blood—their octopus arms
Squeezing it out of him—his Euro-evil!!!


“They were mythic.
They had a poetry
to them.”
—Bella Lugosi,
Ed Wood (1994)

The pure horror—it both repels
And attracts women—because in their
Collective unconsciousness—they’ve got
This agony—about childbirth & blood

The blood is horror—to men as well
It reminds them of—something awful
The mother-lode—like runny snot
How disgusting—only fags want it

Bela’s been—feeling blue lately
What are you drinking, Bela?
Formaldehyde—I want to die
Straight up—or on the rocks?


“Pull the string!
Pull the string!”
—Bella Lugosi,
Ed Wood (1994)

Johnny Depp—sees the track marks
Along Bela's skinny bruised arm—asks
“Bela, what's in the needle?” Bela says:
”Morphine. With a demerol chaser.”

And so the usual cast—of misfits and
Dope addicts show up—quack surgeons
Criswell the Psychic—Bride of the Monster
Plus a Mariachi band—from Mexico City

Meanwhile Eddie—gets some suckers
From the local wealthy Baptist Church
In Beverly Hills—to put up the cash
Even tho Bela—has kicked the bucket


“Oh, what does that
old queen know?”
—Bunny Breckinridge
Ed Wood (1994)

Home???—I have no home!!!
I’m haunted & despised—living like an animal
The jungle is my home!!! But I will show—
The world that—I can be its Master!!!

I shall perfect my own race of people—
A race of Atomic Supermen—that will conquer
The world!!!—especially Hollywood USA
I’ll make Universal—Ruler of the Planet!!!

There’ll be lots of—awful Graverobbing!!!
Bodies stolen—from all the Morgues!!!
Vampira—the beautiful Bride of the Atom
Will rise from the dead—See my Plan 9…
Bunny Breckinridge—gets serious
It’s time for her—first hormone shots
When her breasts—go Mamie Van Doren
They’ll operate—then Goodbye Penis!!!

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