PUNCH,
OR, THE LONDON CHARIVARI
VOLUME 98, MARCH 22, 1890
MISS DIZZY DILETTANTE II
It’s curious, however, that although he—
aims at being considered a poet, an artist,
a dramatist, and a musical composer…
The Dilettante gay moderné rather—
affects the society of those who are like him,
amateurs of imperfect development
______________
Like those who’ve hardly attained fame—
by any professional effort, but may be seen
occasionally at various stylish parties
Making one wonder how so strange—
a medley of second-rate incompetencies
can gather together into one room
___________
It is noticeable that the Dilettante—
loves the society of flitting queen bees,
and isn’t adverse to mocking Domestica
He finds a sense of wit and satire—
in fancying that he’s somewhat remarkable,
that his evil tongue wags sophisticated havoc
_________________
No Dilettante can be considered genuine—
unless he expresses a pitying contempt for
everything that he pretends to be
He gives a practical expression to his scorn—
by quavering in a queenly voice, the feeble
chansonnettes of an inferior French composer
____________
And by issuing a volume of poems in which—
the good taste of English Grammar is swished
under the rug, and replaced with depravity
In his lyrical effusions he lashes out at—
the cold and cruel heartlessness of the world
with a snotty, snively, tres nasty noble scorn
_____________
He addresses his ennui rather cleverly—
blaming all the skeletons in his tacky closet
dishing those gaudy pleasures of Dorian Gray
Having read these efforts to an admiring circle—
he betakes himself with infinite zest discussing
aesthetic tittle-tattle over a cup of tea
____________
They will then take pleasure in persuading—
one another without any difficulty, that they
are indeed the fine flower of elitist beings
The Dilettante, moreover, is a constant—
devotee at the first nights of certain theatres
and operas of high society gossip & elegance
________________
There amongst inner circles of Dilettantia—
a jargon, both of voice and of gesture, passes as
humoresque, but is quite unintelligible
The butchy bourgeois outer world of tacky—
Philistines means nothing unless, of course,
some cute rough trade number is appealing
____________
Then the wrists dangle, the hands shake—
emphasizing those delicate finger-tips that
distinguish the plaintive cadence “oh, dear me”
______________
The fashionable Dilettante usually smokes—
cigarettelets (a word coined to express their
petite size) but she never attempts cigars
Miss Dilettante affects a gait and manner—
of the most mincing delicacy, seeking to impress
others with her sense of superior refinement
______________
In later life, she’s apt to lose her hair—
disguising the ravages of time with rouge,
toupee, wrinkle cream & cosmetic surgery
Yet she deceives nobody, getting buried—
in a wicker-work coffin covered with lilies while
her rival Dilettante friends simply yawn
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