Ding Dong Blues
The Bird Bridge
Murder Ordained
Praise the Lord
Dead Ringer
Trashy Hollywood

Ding Dong Blues

A sure sign —
Of the changing times
When Hostess Twinkies
Gets outta town!!!

Time moves on —
Even though I got the
Ding Dong Blues
But what can you do?

Bankruptcies and —
Liquidations across
This fair land of
American opportunity?

Will Emporia end up —
Like dead decaying
Modern day Detroit
Ghost Town USA?

The Bird Bridge

Down from up there —
The Sunken Gardens on
Twelfth Avenue where cute
College boys smooch

Past The Granada Theater —
Down along Commercial
All the way to Sixth Avenue
Running East and West

All the way down —
Past the Santa Fe and
Burlington Tracks
Steel rails in the night

Down to Sodom’s Grove —
Cottonwood River Bridge
Follow the country road
Down to The Bird Bridge

Murder Ordained

A new updated version —
A made-for-TV gothic
Neo-noir flick shocking the
Small town Emporians

What could be worse —
For The Religious Right
Than a Lutheran minister
Killing his lovely Wife?

Bashing her head in —
Throwing her off some
Rickety old country bridge
Down into The River?

Praise the Lord

Smashing her head in —
Her bloody fingers clutching
The old bridge railing before
Falling down into The Drink?

Let us Praise the Lord!!! —
Sing Hymns to Matrimony!!!
The worst Kansas Killers are

An Adulterous Adam —
In a Kansas Garden of Eve
Killing his own Wife with a
Cheap Bottle of Jacques Bonet

Dead Ringer

Lorna Anderson returns home —
After serving time in the Big House
For murdering her poor husband
Religious Emporia simply shocked!!!

In this new louche Hollywood —
Made-for-TV remake of the tragic
Original murder there in lovely
God-fearing Bible Belt Emporia

“What a fucking dump!” —
Exclaims Bette Davis exhumed
From the grave especially to play
Killer Lorna Anderson again

Trashy Hollywood

Joan Crawford plays —
Poor cripple Reverend Bird
Stuck in a wheelchair up
There in the lonely Attic

In this Cabaret version —
Of “Dead Ringer” in Drag
The Granada gets to do
Grande Dame Guignol!!!

A Kansas Burlesque —
That says it all and more
A Lutheran Minister in drag
Lorna as Dyke Transvestite!!!

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