The Barrister’s Dream

The Barrister’s Dream
—for Lewis Carroll

He sought it being very nimble—
He sought it with the greatest care

He pursued it with high hopes—
The Stock Market sliding down the stairs

It charmed him so very smilingly—
With all its Ponzi scams so beguilingly

Finding himself standing in the Beltway—
With the Snarkes smoking their cigars

Snarkes posing as Lobbyists pretty as Pigs—
Wallowing in their filthy Foggy Bottoms Styes

The Snarkes proving without error or flaw—
That the Stye was no good to begin with

While the Senate kept explaining away—
The soft undercurrent of deregulated greed

The indictment had been hushed up nicely—
As the Snarkes proceeded so precisely

The Senate opining away for hours each day—
About what us lowly peons should’ve done

While the Big Pigs gathered together—
Their opinion before the indictment oinking

“You must know” said the Judge to Jury—
The whole question depends on Divine Rights

In the matter of bailing out bankrupt banks—
Surely the Snarkes didn’t aid and abet it!!!

Thus the charge of Insolvency is moot—
We grant a Plea of “never having been indebted”

The fact of Desertion we will not dispute—
Only taxpayers money will remove the guilt

And as far as the Detroit Big Three demise—
Going belly-up no Alibi has been proven

The Stock Market’s fate surely depends on—
All the stupid Rubes and their stupid Unions

And so the Judge ruffling around with his notes—
Briefly tried summing up the case adroitly

But he’d never summed up anything before so—
The Snarkes undertook summary judgment instead

Summing it so well that it went far beyond—
What the Witnesses ever had said!

When the Verdict came up, the Jury declined—
As the word “Jabberwocky” was too hard to spell

So they ventured the hope that the Snarkes—
Wouldn’t mind undertaking the Verdict as well

So the Snarkes came up with the Verdict—
“GUILTY!” and the Jury groaned and fainted

Then the Snarkes pronounced Sentence—
The Judge being quite too nervous to utter a word

When he rose to his feet, there was silence—
Like night, not the sound of a pin could be heard

"Another Great Depression!" was the Sentence—
"And everybody gets to work for the WPA!"

The Jury all cheered although the Judge said—
He feared the Verdict wasn’t legally sound

But their wild exultation suddenly stopped—
When POTUS informed them with tears

Such a sentence wouldn’t have any effect—
As the country had been dead for some years

The Judge left the Court, deeply depressed—
But the Snarkes, though a little aghast, cheered

As the hucksters to whom the hustle was entrusted—
They went on bellowing and celebrating as usual

Thus the Barrister dreamed the American Dream—
Only to wake up to Nightmare on Wall Street