Monday, August 24, 2009

“Ack!!! Ack!!! Ack!!!”

Mars Attacks (1996)

“Ack!!! Ack!!! Ack!!!”

Speaking of “Ack!!! Ack!!! Ack!!!”

I was slumming around in the Wal-Mart store the other night, when I turned the corner and was rudely confronted with an ugly woman pushing an even uglier child in her grocery cart. The ugly brat looked just like a miniature version of the Martian ambassador in Mars Attacks!!! I tried desperately to ignore the poor ugly thing, but it grabbed me by the balls in the crowded aisle by the motor oil and shouted at me “Ack!!! Ack!!! Ack!!!” Naturally it hurt, so I started screaming “Ack!!! Ack!!! Ack!!!” too!!! Pretty soon I was surrounded by a nest of attacking Martians—all of them going “Ack!!! Ack!!! Ack!!!” in that irritating nasally demeaning way that Martians have a habit of doing when around human beings. That’s the last time I’ll ever go into Wal-Mart I said to myself, hustling and limping my way back to my dumpy Winnebago. Oh shit!!! I finally found it in the dark alien parking lot—and opened the door only to find guess what was inside!!! An Ack!!! Ack!!! Martian Family had commandeered my Winnebago!!! I fled the Wal-Mart parking lot—with jeering Martians Ack-Ack-Acking in my ears!!!

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