Teenage Trouble

Teenage Trouble


“A troubled teenager
seeks help through
hypnotherapy, but
his evil doctor uses
him for regression
experiments that
transform him into
a rampaging werewolf.”

Am I a wolf? Am I a man?
All I know—I’ve got the cramps bad!!!
My hormones—they say one thing
My girlfriend—says another

My father—says humor them.
Make them laugh—but don’t cry
That way—they’ll leave you alone
Surely Big Daddy’s—always right?

After all—Malcolm Atterbury
He’s the calm—fatherly type
Tells me to—cook the pork-chop
Not eat it raw—like hamburger

And then there’s—Walt Bissell
Who plays—Dr. Alfred Brandon
A pretty nice guy—even though
I think he’s got—the hots for me

I don’t like—hypnotic regression
It makes me feel—too Animal
I’m too hot-headed—anyway
Why should I—go all the way?

I’m just Tony Rivers—another
American teenager—mixed-up
Snake Pit Drive In—greaser
So what—if I get a little high?

I comb back my hair—with Vitalis
I’ve got a ducktail—like Presley
My Elvis the Pelvis—sex-drive
Won’t stop—I’m so high-strung!!!

Just ask my girlfriend—Yvonne
Yvonne Slime—she be so fine
I get her loaded—on Hashish
Dr. Brandon—gets me the best

She closes her eyes—extra-tight
She doesn’t want to—see me
The way I look—when I boogie
All-American—Teenage Werewolf!!!

Yvonne likes it—deep inside though
Like some girls—she gets off on it
So does Bissell—and his Assistant
Dr. Hugo Wagner—Opera Queens

Who knows—what really happens
When Bissell and Wagner—hypnotize me
All I know is—they age regress me back
To the primeval—primitive meat

I don’t mind though—them a gay couple
As long as I don’t—remember much
About being Lucky Pierre—inside a
Ménage-a-trois—ham sandwich!?!

The neat part—about being Wolfboy
Is when Vladimir Sokoloff—the pansy
Weak-wristed nelly—janitor whispers
Something in my ear—about Love

He reminds me—of Peter Lorre
My favorite Hollywood fag—starring
In Casablanca—with Humphrey Bogart
Lorre and Conrad Veidt—such queens

How I wish—I were Ingrid Bergman
Falling in love—in wartime Paris
Fleeing the train station—confused
Then ending up—in Bogart’s arms?

As you can see—hypnotic therapy
Works just fine with me—regressing
Me back to my favorite—noir flicks
A little Nitrous here—some sushi there

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