Cleaving / Heartache

Cleaving / Heartache

6/10/2009

“I am interested in tracing
the tension between the
fearless imagination and
the fearful self”
—Colin Tóibín, Love
in a Dark Time

Somewhere—over the Rainbow
There’s a—Huge Cleave
Between me—and myself

Most of the—Time
There’s a Gulf—between my
Imagination—and myself

Recently—after surgery
When my—worn-out heart
Got a new—heart valve

Like, well—that’s when
A different—kind of Cleave
Took over—my Imagination

Open-heart—surgery
My sternum—Cleaved like
A Lobster—my guts exposed

A mitral valve—replacement
Calcification—cleaned up
A valve job—a tune up

Then the Cleave—bleeding
Sewn up—leaving a
Long wound—to heal

A Cleave—all the way
From my—bellybutton
To my—Clavicle

That’s when—Yours
Truly—and my fearless
Imagination—became One

6/11/2009

“Do you see with
different eyes yet?”
—Phuoc Tan Diep

Cleaving words—is easy
But stanzas—aren’t stitches
Closure—is cardiovascular

Cleaving words—is easy
Vertically—horizontally
Writing—myself deeper

Cleaving words—smoothly
After awhile—invisibility
Cleaving—synchronicity

Serial verse—smoothly
Writing backwards—like Spicer
It’s uncanny—like Dictation

Cleaving words—takes time
Sometimes it—makes sense
Sometimes—nonsense

6/12/2009

“What are your plans now that your
heart is mended, that the surgeons
have given you an extension of life?”
—Phuoc Tan Diep

Cleaving myself—into Future
There’s something—completely
Déjà vu—listen to your heart

Cleaving myself—forward
Feeling myself—split in Time
That’s when—it hurts

Cleaving myself—Breathing
One breath—after another
My lungs—are killing me

Cleaving myself—hurting
All I could do—was cry
Out for—more Hydrocod

6/13/2009

“It dries you up
or makes you think
you are infallible
or your poetry
becomes puffed out
with self-esteem”
—Thom Gunn on
Allen Ginsberg, Love
in a Dark Time

Cleavage—hurts
It hurts—really bad
Every word—hurts

It’s a—silent scream
Deep—down inside
Where Pain—is real

It hurts—to Breathe
It hurts—to Move
It hurts—to Think

6/14/2009

“Victor Hugo thought
himself superior to
both Jesus & Shakespeare.
It is a complication that
the imagination can do
without”—Thom Gunn,
Love in a Dark Time

Cleavage—makes one
Humble in the—face of
Fearful symmetry—Pain

Lying in bed—afterwards
Looking at—the ceiling
Feeling like—a red Lobster

How can I—ever again
Crack crab—eat shrimp
In Ivar’s—Clam House?

6/15/2009

“If endlessness
offered itself to me
today I don’t think
I’d have done anything
Differently”—Mark Doty

Elegiac—Cleavage
Formal—impersonal
Inexpressibly—tragic

A sense of—sad endings
Without—the usual closure
Haunted—by death

Saturday—surgery
Then—emergency room
A week of—recovery

All three rooms—co-existing
Simultaneously—thru Night
Night of the Living Dead

6/16/2009

“unimaginable phrase—
unerring Muse who
makes the casual
perfect”—Robert Lowell

Unimaginable—cleaves
Straight—as Boss Cupid
Shooting me—Valentino

Soon I—felt like
Writing unending—imperfect
Sequences—loose cleaves

Then—I did nothing
Eating sleeping—recuperating
Watching TV—cable

Obama—addressing
AMA about—cutting costs
Medicaid—then Medicare

And then—in the middle
Healthcare—Insurance crisis
Cleaving—America & me

6/17/2009

“She shared with
Hemingway a fierce
simplicity, a way of
work in which the
emotion appears to
be hidden, to lurk
mysteriously between
words,”—Colin Tóibín

I wanted—to write
Cleaves—easy to
Read—and listen to

Cleaves—distilled
Put down—on the Page
Greater—Simplicity

Cleaves—with a tone
Of casual—disinterestedness
But it took—a long time

6/18/2009

“And now—you’ve left
for good. You can’t
de-arrange—or re-arrange
—Elizabeth Bishop

Cleaves—are like Letters
Performances—bursts of
Energy—full of intimacy

An artform—in itself
Pure confession—quirky
Cleaving—correspondences

I’m sorry—Bishop said
For people—who can’t
Write letters—to Others

I love—Letters because
They’re like—writing
Without really—doing it

6/19/2009

“Discourse of sun
and moon / final
beginnings / behind
words / the illuminated
words”—Thom Gunn
“Wrestling”

Getting—Verblessness
More into—Cleaving
Aleatoric—MacLow-like

Like an—Angiogram
Squirting—Ink into Doppler
Kansas—Tornado sky

Like a—CapScan
Cross-section—Slicing
A million—Cleaves

No—central myth
Like Larkin—Lowell
Hughes—Plath

Does it—make sense?
Enmeshed—in time?
Understated—undertow?

6/20/2009

“In 1966, Bishop
taught in Seattle…”
—Colin Tóibín,
Love in a Dark Time

I like—to Remember
I had—27 happy years
With Francois—here

Lakeside—Bungalow
Bayliner—Boyfriend
Mt. Rainier—summers

Blood—coursing thru me
Once again--Beating
This new—Repertoire

Cleavage—opening up
The Quotidian—New Reportage
All my Veins—and Arteries!!!