Cleaving Cuba

My Worst Neighbor Story

It was in the early ‘60s—soon after The Cuban Revolution
His name was Armando—his brother was Roberto
There in Swine Hall—we called them the Cuban Twins

They were either constantly—taking showers
Or playing loud Cuban music—in their dormitory room
That didn’t bother me—except for one little thing

Their room was next to mine—I couldn’t study at night
The cinderblock walls—shook like mad maracas
Plus the Cuban Twins were loud—like most Cubans

The campus was glutted—with lots of young Cubans
Once the Havana elite—doctor’s and lawyer’s sons
Spoiled Youth of the—decadent Fulgencio Batista Regime

Naturally the Cuban Twins—were somewhat miffed
Having lost their Havana wealth—and all of Cuba
And here they were at LSU—Exiles in Baton Rouge

There parents sent them—to become doctors
Doctors, lawyers, engineers—to get going again
Ending up in Miami—others throughout the South

And lucky me—stuck with Armando and Roberto
Moody Cuban Boyz of the Night—it was just Awful
I couldn’t study anymore—I couldn’t sleep

I felt like some poor—Prisoner of Zenda
Trapped forever between—Highland Road
Nicholson Drive—and depressing Dalrymple!!!

Something had to done—or I’d end up crazy
Beauregard Hall was full of them—Taylor Hall too
Johnson, Hatcher, Hodges—AY CARAMBA!!!

Finally in an Act—of sheer Desperation
I knocked on their door—and made a Proposition
I told them I knew—they were both unhappy

I told them I knew—they didn’t like Louisiana
I told them I knew—their girlfriends were gone
And that they were both—Sad and Lonely

They both looked at me—nodding knowingly
That’s why they were in—the Showers all the time
Both missed their Sweethearts—there in Miami

And here they were—Stuck in the Sticks
Poor Armando and Roberto—both so handsome
And all that Latino Energy—just going to waste…

So I made this deal with them—I propositioned them
I told them to flip a coin—every night before bed
Whoever got Heads—would get some Head that night

They looked at each other—then looked at me
By then I already had—quite a risqué reputation
Everybody knew I was the best—Swine masseuse

And so after some quick discussion—we made a Deal
They tossed a Mexican Peso—Low and Behold!!!
Armando got it THAT Night—Roberto the Next

Swine Hall settled down—and things got better
The Cuban Twins didn’t—make Trouble anymore
Both of them became—my best lifelong friends

Both graduated—becoming mechanical engineers
They got married and settled down—in New Orleans
They laugh during Mardi Gras—when I visit them

Ay caramba!! It was so easy—solving THAT problem
If only the world out there—could be so easily pleased
A little human compassion—some neighborly love?