Bullshit Bingo
—for Charles Bernstein & Ron Silliman
(from Bullshit Bingo: A Teacher’s
Introduction to LangPo Creative
Writing, ed. Dr. Harry Nosepicker,
Poughkeepsie: Nosebleed Press, 2008)
1
play this game when—
ya gotta teach poetry,
think out-of-the-box with
your dummy students
it’s bullshit bingo—
the more the better,
give ‘em the flimflam,
give ‘em LangPo poesy
give ‘em “synergy"—
"content streamlining,”
then give ‘em a whack
with a big 2 x 4
give ‘em the finger—
but just remember this,
your driving finger is
the longest finger
play know it all—
bigshot fancypants,
if they ask questions,
play hard to get
be a pea in the pod—
fabulate magic realism,
give ‘em the cold shoulder,
but never the big picture
if any of the smart ones—
catch on to your trickery,
just smile and shout—
“bullshit bingo!!!”
2
be a streaker—
gets their attention fast,
most only have one neuron
and it just doesn’t last
ya gotta be quick—
teachin’ LangPo poesy,
bullshit baffles brains,
be a bullshit master
be a font of bullshit—
someone in the know,
spew the stuff around,
don’t be bashful
everybody’s got one—
a bullshit meter,
be a gamefreak,
create your empire
teaching poetry—
a paid job for fools,
it takes expertise,
to ruin young lives
LangPo is crap—
the more useless
the better, it’s your
job, it’s your life
LangPo is how—
fantasists impress
people, poets fly
Bullshit Airways
LangPo is bullshido—
a martial art based
on ridiculous things,
like play of words
LangPo is sexual—
the muse is a bullseye
bitch, just when a guy
gets his joint copped
a perfect poem=
dropping a turd in the
toilet so it splashes up
and hits your anus
3
give your students—
a mark of A+ if they
show any talent at
pure bullpuckery
make all tests—
multiple-choice and
full of dontchaknow
badboy bullogna
when all else fails—
be a large powerful
angry nostril-inflamed
mandingo (ving rhames)
if you gotta do—
dante or miss eliot
bulljive your way thru
in a joking manner
always believe—
believe in your LangPo
be a butchy bulliever
believe you can fly
be a bullfrog—
be a pimp for poetry
be extremely studly
be a LangPo gangster
be a camel jockey—
when it’s back to school
let ‘em see shit stains
on your smiley teeth
do it in slow-motion—
when you read poetry
like the bullettime scene
in a matrix parody
play innocent—
when your students
say “that’s a buncha
bullhonkery!!!”
enliven lame classes—
by standing on your
desk ripping Bullhead
City lawnmower farts
students are zombies—
call ‘em the Feral Undead
or just plain urban dirt
they ain’t perfect
most of the men—
got a lob on always
doing the bullhead in
the showers
bullhead better than—
no head I suppose
just look at them all
paralyzed left-sided
4
some poems are—
real nose oysters
big boogers with long
gooey trails of snot
some poems are—
like big shnozzolas
they require lots
of patient nose-jobs
some poems are—
sloppy viscous gel-like
encrustations snotty
food source when bored
some poems are—
magical nose goblins
also known as green
and bloody boogers
some poems are—
like nose farts or
mouth-to-nose
rancid resuscitations
some poems are—
like buckets of nose
clams fresh from the
sea, snotty & free
most poems are—
basically eye candy
white boogies that
cash out & go to bed
all poems are—
god’s mystery and
everybody knows
what big noses mean
some poems are—
like private eyes or
private dicks doing
all the dirty work
some poems—
can be embarrassing
like when you’re
caught pickin’ ‘em
some poems—
are like nose bleeds
happening to anime
turned-on males
poems like—
naked Ryoko & Ayaka
giving Tenchi a
nose bleed job…
5
some LangPo is—
like You Tube turning
you into Audioslave
of the Blogosphere
some LangPo is—
total & complete
nerdy failure like
Youthinasia
some LangPo is—
like dude see all
those Youth Troopers
schlepping to god
some LangPo is—
like problem children
spending their life on
trial youth gone wild
some LangPo is—
like Youth Brigade
a great punk band
sank with California
some LangPo is—
townies, hiphoppers,
others skaters, greebos,
goths, youth castes
some LangPo is—
a style of youth
crew hardcore “varsity”
type fonts, straight edge
some LangPo is—
“youth man” you’re too
young to have beer
what’s your name
LangPo needs—
a youth-cool genre
or it’ll kick the
bucket pretty soon
some LangPo is—
like Youthana an
utterly gay Cambodian
cute agrophobe
some LangPo stinks—
it needs to grow up
quick before tomorrow
or get a youthectomy
some LangPo is—
like youtube whiteboy
hey look everybody,
I’m doing the LangPo talk
some LangPo is—
weird stuff it’ll turn
you into a zombie
youtube junkie
some LangPo is—
a perfect youtube moment
like a Kodak moment
usually pointless funny
some LangPo is—
pretentious Youtube
snob video like the
Puerto Rican hairdresser
eating cockroaches—
it wasn’t even funny
then, so low brown
and lame…
some LangPo is—
like the dude who ends
up majoring in
Youtubeology
most LangPo is—
useless youtubeage
LyK OmG DiD U C
THT Vid Last NitE??!!
—for Charles Bernstein & Ron Silliman
(from Bullshit Bingo: A Teacher’s
Introduction to LangPo Creative
Writing, ed. Dr. Harry Nosepicker,
Poughkeepsie: Nosebleed Press, 2008)
1
play this game when—
ya gotta teach poetry,
think out-of-the-box with
your dummy students
it’s bullshit bingo—
the more the better,
give ‘em the flimflam,
give ‘em LangPo poesy
give ‘em “synergy"—
"content streamlining,”
then give ‘em a whack
with a big 2 x 4
give ‘em the finger—
but just remember this,
your driving finger is
the longest finger
play know it all—
bigshot fancypants,
if they ask questions,
play hard to get
be a pea in the pod—
fabulate magic realism,
give ‘em the cold shoulder,
but never the big picture
if any of the smart ones—
catch on to your trickery,
just smile and shout—
“bullshit bingo!!!”
2
be a streaker—
gets their attention fast,
most only have one neuron
and it just doesn’t last
ya gotta be quick—
teachin’ LangPo poesy,
bullshit baffles brains,
be a bullshit master
be a font of bullshit—
someone in the know,
spew the stuff around,
don’t be bashful
everybody’s got one—
a bullshit meter,
be a gamefreak,
create your empire
teaching poetry—
a paid job for fools,
it takes expertise,
to ruin young lives
LangPo is crap—
the more useless
the better, it’s your
job, it’s your life
LangPo is how—
fantasists impress
people, poets fly
Bullshit Airways
LangPo is bullshido—
a martial art based
on ridiculous things,
like play of words
LangPo is sexual—
the muse is a bullseye
bitch, just when a guy
gets his joint copped
a perfect poem=
dropping a turd in the
toilet so it splashes up
and hits your anus
3
give your students—
a mark of A+ if they
show any talent at
pure bullpuckery
make all tests—
multiple-choice and
full of dontchaknow
badboy bullogna
when all else fails—
be a large powerful
angry nostril-inflamed
mandingo (ving rhames)
if you gotta do—
dante or miss eliot
bulljive your way thru
in a joking manner
always believe—
believe in your LangPo
be a butchy bulliever
believe you can fly
be a bullfrog—
be a pimp for poetry
be extremely studly
be a LangPo gangster
be a camel jockey—
when it’s back to school
let ‘em see shit stains
on your smiley teeth
do it in slow-motion—
when you read poetry
like the bullettime scene
in a matrix parody
play innocent—
when your students
say “that’s a buncha
bullhonkery!!!”
enliven lame classes—
by standing on your
desk ripping Bullhead
City lawnmower farts
students are zombies—
call ‘em the Feral Undead
or just plain urban dirt
they ain’t perfect
most of the men—
got a lob on always
doing the bullhead in
the showers
bullhead better than—
no head I suppose
just look at them all
paralyzed left-sided
4
some poems are—
real nose oysters
big boogers with long
gooey trails of snot
some poems are—
like big shnozzolas
they require lots
of patient nose-jobs
some poems are—
sloppy viscous gel-like
encrustations snotty
food source when bored
some poems are—
magical nose goblins
also known as green
and bloody boogers
some poems are—
like nose farts or
mouth-to-nose
rancid resuscitations
some poems are—
like buckets of nose
clams fresh from the
sea, snotty & free
most poems are—
basically eye candy
white boogies that
cash out & go to bed
all poems are—
god’s mystery and
everybody knows
what big noses mean
some poems are—
like private eyes or
private dicks doing
all the dirty work
some poems—
can be embarrassing
like when you’re
caught pickin’ ‘em
some poems—
are like nose bleeds
happening to anime
turned-on males
poems like—
naked Ryoko & Ayaka
giving Tenchi a
nose bleed job…
5
some LangPo is—
like You Tube turning
you into Audioslave
of the Blogosphere
some LangPo is—
total & complete
nerdy failure like
Youthinasia
some LangPo is—
like dude see all
those Youth Troopers
schlepping to god
some LangPo is—
like problem children
spending their life on
trial youth gone wild
some LangPo is—
like Youth Brigade
a great punk band
sank with California
some LangPo is—
townies, hiphoppers,
others skaters, greebos,
goths, youth castes
some LangPo is—
a style of youth
crew hardcore “varsity”
type fonts, straight edge
some LangPo is—
“youth man” you’re too
young to have beer
what’s your name
LangPo needs—
a youth-cool genre
or it’ll kick the
bucket pretty soon
some LangPo is—
like Youthana an
utterly gay Cambodian
cute agrophobe
some LangPo stinks—
it needs to grow up
quick before tomorrow
or get a youthectomy
some LangPo is—
like youtube whiteboy
hey look everybody,
I’m doing the LangPo talk
some LangPo is—
weird stuff it’ll turn
you into a zombie
youtube junkie
some LangPo is—
a perfect youtube moment
like a Kodak moment
usually pointless funny
some LangPo is—
pretentious Youtube
snob video like the
Puerto Rican hairdresser
eating cockroaches—
it wasn’t even funny
then, so low brown
and lame…
some LangPo is—
like the dude who ends
up majoring in
Youtubeology
most LangPo is—
useless youtubeage
LyK OmG DiD U C
THT Vid Last NitE??!!
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