THE BIG UGLY
There’s nothing beautiful about me,
I don’t have any legs like a zebra,
No gait of giraffe, prehistoric muzzle,
No brain like Einstein, no fine home
Where there’s a bed waiting for me.
I was meant to be simply a Dildo,
Like it or not, what could’ve been
Isn’t, I’m just a lowly lacksadaisical
Lady’s best friend, hardly a Samson,
Hardly God's gift to mankind, I’ve got
Slippery feelings about everything and
So would you if you were a Dildo.