What Ever Happened to Vagina Woolf?

Matthew Martin & J. Conrad Frank in “Baby Jane” (2010)



“Have you ever been tempted to 
write about a same sex relationship?”
—Stephen Bottoms

“I don’t see that much of a difference 
between heterosexual and homosexual 
relationships, if they are two people 
really involved with each other, trying 
to make life together. I don’t see that 
much difference, except that the 
homosexual couple have to fight a lot 
of prejudices, and illegalities.”

—Edward Albee, “Borrowed Time: 
An Interview with Stephen Bottoms,” 
Stretching My Mind: The Collected Essays

Well, my dears—
Perhaps it’s time for a campy
Queer parody of Miss Woolf?

You know, like William Clift—
Did with “What Ever Happened
To Baby Jane?” (1962)

A parody/homage/horror/comedy—
Starring Matthew Martin the best 
Bette Davis impersonator of all time... 

Who else could do a drag version—
Of tres bitchy Elizabeth Taylor as
“Martha” the Virginia Woolf Shrew?

Plus J. Conrad Frank who played—
Blanche as poor wimpy Sandy Dennis
George Segal’s ditzy two-bit wife?

Mike Finn who played the smarmy—
Edwin, let her be cute Miss Segal
But who to play Richard Burton?

The handsome Vincent De Paul 
(Hairspray) as Detective Bill or
Jeff Dylan Graham as Detective Joe?

Probably nobody can possibly—
Outdo for tres campy male hysteria
The Queen Bee herself Miss Burton…

Choosing “Baby Jane” to do a—
Drag version of “Vagina Woolf”
Seems to be the best way to go

We choose “Baby Jane” to portray—
Miss Woolf so the audience won’t 
Lose the Drag Queen Perspective

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