Friday, August 16, 2013

The Less Deceived

THE LESS DECEIVED 


EMPORIA / HULL
A BORING BOYHOOD
THE LOVED ONES
EXILE
_________

ARNOLD LOPEZ
A PAST
THINKING ABOUT IT
__________


EMPORIA / HULL

“No I have never found
The place where I could say
This is my proper ground”
—Philip K. Larkin
PLACES, LOVED ONES
____________

There Larkin was in—
Hull where he lived and
Died a librarian-poet

The shabby buildings—
The dull river, old bridge
The tree in the background
__________

It captures pretty much—
What Emporia was to me
A dreary depressing town

Stuck in Hull seemed to—
Fit his depressing lifestyle
A library, desk, books

A BORING BOYHOOD

“As if what you settled for
Mashed you, in fact”
—Philip K. Larkin
PLACES, LOVED ONES
______________

A boring boyhood—
An even more forgetful
Supposed gay adulthood

That’s the way it was—
Or would be probably just
About anywhere I suppose
__________

The only reason I write—
About a small Midwestern
Town is that it’s easier

The gays I knew back then—
Vernon Sheffield the pianist
And KSTC Music professor
___________

While at the other end—
There was a grocery clerk
In our neighborhood grocery

He was a Kiwanis Club—
Member, made fun of each
Year by all the all members
__________

An award for being the—
Only bachelor amongst them
He accepted it blushing

He lived his life a lie—
Everybody knew his shy
Lifestyle was perverted

THE LOVED ONES

“Nor met the special one
Who has an instant claim”
—Philip K. Larkin
PLACES, LOVED ONES
_____________

Finding a special one—
Seems to prove you want 
To enjoy having no choice

But the ignorant dolts—
I fell for gave me no choice
It was all my fault they said
____________

It turned the whole town—
Dreary, love became for me
Irrevocably tres subservient

I played Marilyn Monroe—
In NIAGARA each time with
The usual Niagara Tower end

EXILE

“Uncalled-for, to this day
Your person, your place”
—Philip K. Larkin
PLACES, LOVED ONES
___________

Home yet not at home—
The perfect place of exile
For young fag like me

It made me the poet I am—
Made me realize and know
The kind of man I was
_________

It was essential to me—
My exile in such a dreary
State of expatriation 

How else would I have—
Got to know how deep
Below the thin ice I lied?

THINKING ABOUT YOU

“One doesn’t go
anywhere by design
you know”—Philip Larkin
_________

I never really thought—
About Emporia or even
Philip K. Larkin’s Hull

It was a little on the—
Edge of things I suppose
But it’s where I plopped
__________

Down like a cow-patty—
Down by the tracks of
The Santa Fe Railroad

What did I have to say—
About it other than here
I was and that was that?
_____________

ARNOLD LOPEZ

You put in for jobs
And move about”
—Phillip Larkin
__________________

When your lover—
The special one ends
Up being heterosexual

He can’t help it—
Any more than I could
Help being who I was
__________

Special attention—
Has to be paid to the
Instant charm of 

What you thought—
And what you truly
Ended up with

A PAST

“In short, a past—
that no one now
can share”
—Philip Larkin,
THE LESS DECEIVED
__________________

The gap between—
Eye to page, I’m left
To deal with, my dears

I know what was but—
Surely I can go on & on
About what he was like
__________

To condense is surely—
The trick in any confession
The Saint of Guadalupe

If it’s truly heavenly—
To lie & ask for forgiveness
How can our love truly survive?





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