REAL GAY HOUSEWIVES
Ze dishy disclaimer is that I'm appearing in my own celebrity-driven Soap Opera called “As the World Sucks” —a rather boring everyday melodrama about the Decline and Fall of Just About Everything.
The slow slide of a typical real gay housewife who used to be a Chicken Queen — even down further from the gutter to the sewer. Teen Beat Starlette Lief Garret recently read my beads — in a tacky FOX News interview.
Miss Garrett warned Justin Bieber to be careful and watch out for the predatory Hollywood “chicken hawks.” Leif then elaborated on the tres dark side of Hollywood Babylon — drugs, sex and testosterone.
I was simply shocked, my dears — and so was my cute dumb know-nothing “kept boy.” Excuse me, my live-in Mexican houseboy and built lawn boy.
Although he doesn’t do anything around the house, the yard or the pool — except vainly admire himself with his Lady Gaga loud earphones on.
I’m just your normal Real Gay Housewife — like so many of my sisters out there in La La Land. Surely my taste for Coq à Vin d Pomerol or perhaps Chicken à la Queen of Houdan doesn’t make me some kind of despicably predatory “chicken hawk”?
So I ended up just recently with this chicken Justin Bieber cute Mexican klone — so what? I whisked him away from the slums and poverty of Puerto Vallarta — to my modest Palm Springs hacienda with its pool, palm trees and tres gay ambience.
But he’s such a vain young thing, always primping in front of the pool, listening to that gawd-awful crappy Lady Gaga shit with his earphones on all the time. If anybody’s predatory it’s him—he’s got my number down good, honey.
While most documentary Reality Shows and today’s faggy Soap Operas actually try to mimic gay reality — my Soap Opera, “As The World Sucks,” offers some poignant lessons about the Zits on the Zeitgeist there on my kept boy’s bubble-butt.