Fukushima Bad Biology

Dead Planet LXXIX



“A guy who is very creepy
and stalks girls. This guy
might also masturbate in
your home and eat your
food. Oh no, you better
stay clear of the Pre-Cog
over there. He wacks a lot
and drains your fridge."
—Urban Dictionary

It was a dark and stormy night—
In Kabukichō—"The City That Doesn't Sleep."

Friday night—I was at Scarecrow Video.
Talk about Bad Biology—it’s right up my alley.

A typical neo-noir—Night of the Living Dead flick.
Moiling about in Kabukichō—here in radioactive Tokyo.


Scarecrow Video—lovely ratty store.
You’ve heard about that film-joint, haven’t you?

A really weird place—full of fucked-up flicks.
Kinda neat—a seedy joint for seedy guyz like me.

Ratty carpets—crummy old staircases.
Creepy little rooms—full of creepy movies.

I should know—I’m a psyops perv dontchaknow?
A real PSYOPS PSYCHO—from way back when.

Guyz tell me I’m a creep—the chicks too.
But I can’t help it—it’s Bad Biology.

Bad Biology (2012)—you know what I mean?
It’s kinda like—Bad Seed (1956)…

That shameless flick—with little slut Nancy Kelly.
“A WOMAN'S SHAME...Out in the Open!!!”


Yeah, I’m talking about Bad Seed, baby—
Really Bad Seed—lots of Bad Biology.

It’s kinda like a gift—Bad Boy to the Bone.
It just keeps coming—and coming…

Whether you want it too—or not.
There’s no Future in it—it's all in one Take.


Been ogling your fucked-up Future?
Do you really need a Spoiler Alert, huh?

Have you ever wondered why—
The ancient Greeks put Eyeballs on it?

Down there on that ugly male—
Troublesome Whatjamajigger?

That SF Pulp Fiction sick puppy—
Ogling outta your Zipper?


I’ll tell you why—cause It's EASY!!!
It's Bad Seed—it’s Bad Biology!!!

Back then—during the Future
The Good, the Bad & the Ugly...

Right now tho—that’s when it's at it's best
Bad Boy Bijou—déjà vu big time

Both then & now, Bingo!!!
Think insatiable wormhole—kimosabe!!!

Some guyz—they just can’t help it.
They’re driven by Bad Biological excess!!!

They’re doomed by bad glands—
Overactive libidos—a queer quantum thing…

Chandler calls it—The Big Sleep.
Mickey Spillane calls it—Kiss Me, Deadly.


Jacques Tourneau—calls it Cat People.
I Walked with a Zombie—Curse of the Demon.

Todd Browning—calls it Freaks.
Poor Olga Baclanova—The Chicken Woman.

Prince Radian—The Stump Man.
What kinda sex life—did he have?

Or Johnny Eck—The Half-Boy?
Zip and Pip—The Pinhead Twins?


Talk about Bad Biology—Bad Seed Freaks!!!
Jaysus—I guess I’m pretty lucky.

I’m just your normal—Precognitive Telepath.
They Saved Hitler’s Brain—just for me!!!

Henenlotter calls it—Basket Case.
I've got Brain Damage—like Frankenhooker.

That’s why I hang out—at Scarecrow Video.
You could say—it’s my home away from home.

Not too far from the Neptune—and the Varsity.
Not too far from Guild 45—and The Grand Illusion.

Not too far from—Night of the Living Dead (1968).
The story of my so-called life—my Romero romance.


You see, I'm a Blue Moon drunk—what a fool I am.
I fell in love with a Snake-Trix© gigolo—then I gave up.

Deep Throat and Nixon—were still getting it on.
In the parking lot downstairs—at the Watergate Motel.

Talk about Zombies of the Stratosphere (1952)!!!
Talk about Radar Men from the Moon (1953)!!!

Talk about Roy Bancroft—and Gangster Planet!!!
Talk about The Purple Monster Strikes (1945)!!!

Throw in Rumsfeld—and all us Baby Boomer boyz…
We saw into the Future—or we died in Nam!!!


Naturally I was at the Top of the List—
They flipped a coin—Berlin Bunker or Mars?

That’s the story of my life—The Fortune Teller.
TPTB had my number—I redialed my Future…

I fell in love with Tokyo—precog prima donna.
All muscles—and no brains for the DARPA team.

Totally Bad Seed—but I really got off on it.
Who needs IQ—when you know the Future?

Plus Bad Seed—so what if the Future’s no good?
Call it Creep IQ—I was in the know.


There’s this scene—in Bad Biology, you guyz.
When skanky, sleazy, snide—cute Anthony Sneed…

Gets this slutty look on his face—so sexy.
Down and dirty—you know what I mean?

Jennifer—played by Charlee Danielson
Nefarious wench—Unzips Bad Boy Batz’s fly.

And the camera—zooms down into his junk
Outta there—slithers her big Fukushima Fuck!!!

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