Dead Planet XXVIII

Dead Planet XXVIII

“The psychological senses of
certainty with which a belief is
held is no guarantee of its
accuracy and may interfere
with attempts to correct it
based on new information.”
—John C. Wright, Null-A Continuum:
Continuing A. E. van Vogt’s World
of Null-A

Marty “The Martian” Augustine: “I tell you what we're gonna do, Deckard. You're gonna take that goddamn J.C. Penney tie off and we're gonna have an old fashioned man to man drinking party.”

Rick: “Well, that's okay but I'm not taking off the tie.”

Marty “The Martian” Augustine: “What'll you have?”

Rick: “What are you drinking?”

Marty “The Martian” Augustine: “What I'm drinking is called Aquavit.”

Marty: “I'm drinking what you're drinking.”

Marty “The Martian” Augustine: “Well God bless you. I like to hear that. People these days go, "Oh, I want a little of this. Oh, and a little of that and a twist of Venusian love juice." Shit!!”

[Marty & Decker schmooze. They make a deal. Marty used to be a big wheeler-dealer—running a big slice of the Martian Underworld along the Venusian Yakuza & the Titan Mob. Since the Lizard Invasion—his action has been kinda cramped & closeted. But Marty has connections—and the Black Market continues despite the Draconian heavies. The Creepazoid Cops are waiting for Rick as he leaves Marty’s swanky Amazonis beach house on the outskirts of Hellas Town.]

Creepazoid Detective: “Your name Deckard?”

Rick: “No, my name is Sniveley, uh, P. U. Snively..

Creepazoid Detective: “Come on inside, Deckard, we wanna talk to you.”

[A Lizard disk-ship lowers down—levitating over the gritty red blacktop running along the dried-up edge of the ancient Martian shore]

“This way,” Detective Smirk takes Rick.

[Deckard loosens his J.C. Penny tie, walking up the shiny metal gangplank to be interrogated. Creep Detective Green and Lieutenant Snake watch from behind the mirror]

Creep Detective Green: “There he is, a real cutie pie.”

Lieutenant Snake: “He's a smart-ass.”

Creep Detective Green: “That's what I meant.”

Lieutenant Snake: “Why don't you learn to say what you mean?”

Creep Detective Green: “Here he is, Lieutenant, a real cutie pie.”

Lieutenant Snake: “He's the cutie pie, you're the smart-ass, you little honky Lizard bastard.”

[repeated line]

Creepazoid Detective Smirk: “Okay, Deckard. We’re going down to Liz Headquarters.”

Rick: “That's OK with me.”

Lieutenant Snake:: “Listen Green, in case you lose me in traffic, this is the address where we’ll be taking Deckard. BTW you look great.”

Creep Detective Green: “Thank you.”

Lieutenant Snake: I'd straighten your face a little bit. The Lizard green is getting’ kinda stinky, you know what I mean? BTW Green, I'm proud to have you following me.”

Creep Detective Green: “I’m good at following you. My, my, don’t you a pretty monkey asshole.”

Lieutenant Snake: “Yeah, my mother always tells me that.”

Marty “The Martian” Augustine: [to Joanne] “Look at that face. Is that a face for a magazine cover? The profile. You're beautiful, and I love you. I sleep with a lot of women; I make love to you. The single most important person in my life, next to my family. Is that right, Joanne? Huh?

[smashes a coke bottle on her face]

Marty “The Martian” Augustine: “Get her out of here!”

[Marty’s droid-idiot bodyguard drags the body outta the business office, the door dialing shut behind them]

[Marty turns to Rick]

Marty “The Martian” Augustine: “Now, that's someone I love! And you I don't even like! You got an assignment, cheapie private dick: Find my fuckin; money! Or else.”

Rick: “You know, Marty. If I could just get you to understand, that when a guy retires, he like is outta the loop. It’s like sex—from then on he’s like kinda impotent, you know what I mean?”

Marty “The Martian” Augustine: “I don’t care if you’ve gotta limp dick or no dick at all. You’re still a dick—and once a dick always a dick. Like I want my money back pronto like yesterday—so you’re late pleasing me already, know what I mean?”

Marty puts his feet on his desk—lights up a cigar.

“Where the fuck is that droid bodyguard of yours anyway? The Lizards have been crawling all over Mars lookin’ for the kid. Him & that Predickless dame. Grill ‘em & find out what happened to Tyrell anyway. Is he dead? He owes me a million bucks from a raw deal, you know?”

Rick: “I dunno, Marty. I’ll need some time, that’s the bottom line. Tyrell is either on Titan—or the Lizards killed him. Everybody’s nervous about it.”

Marty “The Martian” Augustine: “Yeah, I know, Deckard. I got balls too, asshole. And my dick still works. But if you don’t find my money—well, you won’t be worried about balls anymore, kimosabe.”

[Rick nods, leaves Marty’s beach house. The Creeps tail him—all the way back to the Hellas Towers]

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