The Blob (1958)

The Blob (1958)

“Beware of the Blob!
It creeps, and leaps,
and glides and slides
across the floor!!!”

I feel sorry—for The Blob
I really do—I’m broken-hearted
Poor innocent alien Slimeball Blob!!!

Villainized Vandal of the Void—
Poor pulsating non-entity Wad!!!
Product of Steve McQueen’s Wetdream!!!

The Colonial movie theater—gone amok!!!
The Blob oozing out of the projection booth
Greedy for boys & girls in the balcony

Teenage Sexploitation Hollywood—
Making millions on Drive In movies
Like “I Was a Teenage Werewolf”

“Teenagers from Outer Space”—
“Mars Needs Women”—and flicks
Like “Monster From the Black Lagoon”

But the classic creepy Thriller—
With goodlooking sexy Steve McQueen
Has to be the incredible “Blob”!!!

Forget Monsters from Mars—
Giant insects & carnivorous ants
“Them” and those Praying Mantises

Forget campy bloodsucking Leeches—
And those starved famished Giant Shrews
Eating everything but Ingrid’s high heels!!!

Forget Creatures from the Black Lagoon—
Giant grasshoppers attacking Chicago
Body Snatchers on the loose!!!

It’s “The Blob” you gotta look out for—
That oozing seminal slimy Blob!!!
Emanating from Steve McQueen’s pants!!!

So like the Scarlet Pimpernel—
It’s here, it’s there—it’s everywhere
Especially in dark Drive In parking lots!!!

Ask any All American cute bobby-soxer
Coming out of the Eisenhower Fifties
And they’ll tell you the Awful Truth

The BLOB!!!—so very excruciating!!!
All over the windshield—and seats
Oozing squirmy Terror from Space!!!

Passion Pit Drive In nightmares—
Screaming creaming Sat night soirees
All across USA—bad baby-boomers laid!!!

How exquisitely naughty & nostalgic—
Those nights of shameless Snake Pits
Under the stars—dope, booze, wads!!!

But Steve McQueen’s ejaculation—
Inundating the town with Jizzmatic joy
Still alive, still oozing—now on Youtube!!!

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