Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Attack of the Giant Leeches (2008)

Attack of the Giant Leeches (2008)


Once upon a time—“director’s cuts” were rare
And only blockbusters—got re-released with
Directors redoing their movies their own way
Before producers monkeyed with the script

But now the availability of high-class cheap
Postproduction and blue-screen CGI remakes
Gives any schlocky Grade-B horror flick a
Chintzy chance to get re-edited and reissued

Most horror flicks remakes are total failures
Like The Thing, The Body Snatchers, 1984—
And the rest of the ‘50s Drive-In horror movies
Are so bad nobody would want to reissue them

How could one “out-schlock” the original stinkers
Sliming around up there on the silver screen—
Ridiculous camp flops like Attack of the 50-Foot
Woman (1959) with Allison Hayes’ big tits?

Ah yes—all those sweaty enjoyably lurid creepy
Gruesome horror flicks and Japanese potboilers
There at the Snake Pit Drive In—double-features
In the comfort & privacy of your own backseat?

Who knows how many Baby Boomers got laid—
Ending up pregnant with runny-nosed rug-rats
All because of luscious Yvette Vickers and her big
Bosomed trampy white trash Southern Sluthood?

The same with Attack of the Crab Monsters and
Attack of the Aztec Mummy—Attack of the Killer
Tomatoes, Attack of the Flying Saucers & Attack of
The Killer Shrews—all those exquisite tacky losers

Attack of the Giant Leeches—first released in 1959
Won a string of awards at festivals around the world
And the executive producer Cid Corman was proud
To get an Academy Award for Worst Special Effects

Leo Gordon supplied the script doing much better
A year later with The Wasp Woman (1960)—
Capturing once again that abject cheap & sleazy
Trashiness of poor white trash erotic appeal

Cult fav Bruno VeSota—likely director of the truly
Great artsy oddity Dementia (1955)—makes the
Attack of the Giant Leeches just about as believable
As his kitschy Attack of the Mayan Mummy (1964)

Yvette Vickers begins her so-so Hollywood career
As the giggling girl on the phone at the party in
Sunset Boulevard—ending up at the bottom of
Norma Desmond’s fetid dumpy swimming pool

But what about her role as trampy Liz Walker?
Is she still down there in their underwater lair—
Being slowly obscenely sucked dry by the devilish
Denizens of the deep—the greedy Giant Leeches?

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