The Snarker’s Alphabet

The Snarker’s Alphabet

“Dante wrote a lot of slush
Because he got an unhealthy crush”
—W.H. Auden, “Give Up Love”
As I Walked Out One Evening

Auden—Pride of your parents and yet their greatest fear—that their son or daughter perchance—might get snarky and snotty—even worse become a slacker poet like Wystan, my dear

Bondage—The other side of Deliverance—Letter to a Wound—snarky Curse of the Cloud of Unknowing—Berlin’s Weimar gift—to the young poet

Crummy—The only support of any writer—the stoic feeling that being a poet is basically snarky—and that Snark is just another name for SSDD

Death—Snarky End Game—Las Vegas denouement—the House that Always Wins—Liberace wheeled out in his wheel-chair—diamonds rings and mink—his wig askew

Ennui—Darling of Death—delightful Ariadne thread—deep into the Maze of Language—then getting lost in there—snarky Labyrinth of Laissez-faire Love

Feigning—The gift of ersatz innocence—snarky verbal playing—the smarmy endless story—schmaltzy jive

Goose—the Mother of us all—Fairy tale Dominatrix—Golden Egg Queen Bee—Leather cape & high-heels—mean whip and strap-on dildo—just for you

Heavy—Heavy date—Blind date in the dark—cute pinhead hustler—stupid but knowingly smart—smart in a kind of snarky way—like Zip and Pip in Freaks

Impolite—Hallmark of snarky intelligence

Joystick—Pivot of power—Jizz-jet of jive

Killer—The other side of love—snarky despair

Lavatories—Repositories of high-class Snark Lit

Manhandled—Fun with the boyz—down on my knees

Nose-Dive—Naught for light-hearted weak sisters

Opulent—Shiny iridescent opulent Mother-of-Pearl

Poet—Peeper through periscope—key-hole voyeur

Queer—Outdated snarky dish—for Metrosexual fag

Really—as in the snarky phrase “Really, my dear?”

Snarkette—Snarke “Lite”

Tea—as in T.S. Eliot—literary teas—reading tea leaves like Madame Sosostris—Talent Scout for The Waste Land—Snarke Queen of the Dead

Umbrage—Softener of snarke—seat of snarke Feign—hard to fake—the snarkier the better

Venus Torso—physique of youth—svelte smooth Schwarzenegger stud—Conan of California

Wireless—Sender of signals—speaker of sorrows—singer of songs—authoress of Aether woes

Xenophobic—fear of snarky Others—especially yours

Youth—Snarky wetdreams of the gods—teenage minions from the Other side—damned if they do—damned if they don’t

Zembla—domain of Pale Fire—Wax-wing desire

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