Worshipping Ed Wood Jr.

Bride of the Monster (1955)

The Atom never sleeps—
Bad movies—never end
Bela Lugosi—my Master!!!

They come—and go
Looking for—young Brides

Bride—of the Atom
The Atomic—Monsters
Bad movies—need good titles
Boy-Bride—of the Monster!!!

Bela-Lugosi—Prince of Darkness!!!
How I worshipped him—like a god
How many boyz—from Transylvania
Wanted to be his—Boy Bride!!!

Bela plays—Herr Doktor Vornoff
Mad scientist—in the Swamp
He lives with—Tor Johnson
“Lobo”—Heavenly Heavy

Bride of—the Monster
More campy—than Dracula
More horrifying—than Frankenstein
It’s a classic—camp Shocker!!!

Tony McCoy—cute but dumb
Too bad he can’t act—but so what?
Shirtless—always at a loss for words
Struggling with Tor—throughout the film

Tony’s father—financed it all
Almost went broke—doing it
He owned—a meat packing plant
Wanted his son—to be a movie star

We steal—the Octopus
From the attic—of Republic Studios
We lose a Tentacle—long & lanky
Getting it—outta there

It was a—famous Octopus
From an old—John Wayne movie
Wake of the Red Witch—a loser
Kinky Octopus—movie poster

The air compressor—goes kaput
I forget—did we leave it there?
Anyway—the Octopus leaks
And goes limp—like a flat tire

Lobo and Lugosi—
Get down—in the Pond
Our fake lake—in Griffith Park
Lugosi almost—gets pneumonia

The Octopus scene—pretty lame
Tor Johnson—wrestles with it
Those limp—ridiculous Tentacles
So “sucker” schmaltzy!!!

The cars—such ‘50s classics!!!
Old Nash Ramblers—Studebakers
Funky grills—lots of flashy chrome
Driving up & down—Hollywood Blvd

“Home?”—I have no Home!!!”
I can just see it—in Eddie’s eyes
Ed Wood Jr.—he loved Bela Lugosi
Jack Daniels—kept them both going.

Eddie writes—Bride of the Monster
For one person—Bela Lugosi
He writes it—every Line of it
Camp classic—maudlin dialogs:

“Home?—I have no Home!!!
Haunted in Hungary—despised here.
Living all the time—like an Animal.
The Jungle—is my Home.
But I will—show the World!!!
That I can be—its Master!!!
I will perfect—my new Monster.
A race of them—Filmic Supermen.
And they will—conquer Hollywood!!!”

Loretta King—Delores Fuller
Beautiful Brides—of Bela’s Monster
But I was—the real Child Bride
Just ask Lobo—my Big Lover!!!

Eddie gives—away the Secret
In my dreams—and in my ears
Whispering—his Script for me
Ménage-a-trois—Bela, Lobo, me

Without words—without demands
A Boy—and his Boyfriend Monster
We kissed—moved forward in Time
Plan 9 From Outer Space!!!

I’ve got—the Director’s cuts—
Bela & Eddie—often on my mind
As I watch—Orgy of the Dead
Glen—or Glenda!!!

I press—my changer—
I slow-mo—the Video Veil
Again Boy-Bride—Monster mine!!!
Caught up in—Lobo’s big arms

Sweet and sad—Bijou Blues
Overwhelmed—by Jailbait
Feeling up Steve Reeves—squeezing
Him tight—Lye Talbot’s aghast!!!

Ed Wood Jr.—smiles again
He’s feeling—young again
A Norma Desmond—comeback?
Lobo—gets me in the Balcony…

Knock, knock—Who’s there?
Me I say—it’s me becoming you
Such a weird—pronominal funk
Becoming—a bride again…

Lobo holds—me tight again
Within his—huge monster arms
I hear it—Orchid Saxophones
In my ears—playing again

I can’t forget—Bela’s cigars
Big long thick—expensive Havana’s
Taking—a nice long exquisite Puff
Happy to be—Acting Again!!!

How long—how long ago—
The Paramount—all the theaters
The flood of images—we released
Rising clouds—Hollywood flicks!!!

Waking up—Marcel Proust
Full of Lugosi—Lost Knowledge
Eddie’s really—The Wizard of Oz
And I’m lost—without him

Cinema—speaks in Tongues
So do Hollywood’s—best Directors
Rays of Light—shining bright
The Screen—The Screen!!!

Monster Love—Bride of the Atom
Most perfect couple—of the Mall
Both of us—Academy Award winners
Oscars—in the Parking Lot!!!
Hollywood—gets born again
The Bijou—The Egyptian!!!

Night of the Living Dead—
Midnight movies—The Neptune!!!
Oh Barbara—Oh Barbara!!!
We’re coming—to get you!!!

Who needs—Cecile B. DeMille?
All those—sword & sandal classics?
All I need is—Lobo’s tight embrace
Boy-Bride again—of the Monster!!!

A single Ray—from Eddie’s Eye
The Bliss of—Nightmare Ecstasy
Incomprehensible—even today
Bijou matinee—déjà vu

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