Cleaving jesus

Rick Warren as Reverend Eraserhead

The Eraserhead Sermon

Praise the Lord—and Pass the K-Y!!!

Listen Up—All you Palm Springs Queen Bees!!!

There’s a New Jesus in Town—So Get Used To It!!!

You Should Have Listened—to POTUS PALIN, my dears!!!

Half-Baked Alaska Jesus Freaks—They’re Cream Puffs!!!

The New Leviticus is more than—just Laying of the Hands!!!

We be the New Neocons—for Jesus Christ Inc!!!

And you Thought—Hurricane Katrina was a Bitch!!!

It’s Time for a New Beginning—a New Christian AMERICA!!!

Praise the Lord—and Pray for Sodom and Gomorrah!!!

There’s No Time Left—There’s No Room in the Inn!!!

It’s Time to Get Virgin Mary—Out of the fucking Manger!!!

And into modern Mainstream Holiday Inn—that’s Right!!!

We Need Three Wise Men—right now in the White House!!!

We Need a New Eccumentical—Christian State of Life!!!

We Need to Get that Missionary Position—Back Again!!!

Back in the Cozy Bedroom!!!—Where It Belongs!!!

Praise the Lord—We Need Jesus Back in the Board Room!!!

Back in the Board Room—Where Fast Money Talks!!!

We Need Jesus back on the $100 Bill—Pray for It Now!!!

We Need Jesus high up there—On Mount Rushmore!!!

We Need Jesus in Our Hearts—and Our Billfolds!!!

We Need Jesus Where It Counts—in the Beltway!!!

We Need Jesus—in the Smoke-Filled Back Rooms!!!

We Need Jesus—at the Gas Pump and in Detroit!!!

We Need Jesus—in Ivy-League Snotty Princeton!!!

We Need Jesus—on greedy corrupt Wall Street!!!

We Need Jesus—in Poughkeepsie!!!

We Need Jesus—in The New York Times!!!

We Need Jesus—in The National Enquirer!!!

We Need Jesus—in The TV Guide!!!

We Need Jesus—Back on Sunset Boulevard!!!

We Need Jesus—Back on Mulholland Drive!!!

We Need Jesus—Back in Blue Velvet!!!

But Most of all—We Need Jesus Desperately Now!!

We Need Jesus—back in ERASERHEAD!!!!!!!

We Need Jesus—To ERASE this Shitty World!!!

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