Snarky Psychic Orgasms!!!

Snarky Psychic Orgasms!!!

“The One Million Dollar Paranormal Challenge: The James Randi Educational Foundation is an educational resource on the paranormal, pseudoscientific, and the supernatural. The Foundation is committed to providing reliable information about paranormal claims. It both supports and conducts original research into such claims. At JREF, a one-million-dollar prize is being offered to anyone who can show, under proper observing conditions, evidence of any paranormal, supernatural, or occult power or event.”

Paranormal Ejaculations? Wtf?!!

So, like they have this Psychic Forum where they list all of the Challenge Applicants with any communications and then sometimes a video of them attempting the challenge.

Immediately, as I perused the list of challengers, my eyes landed on the most interesting two words put together that I’ve seen in a long, long time.

Paranormal Ejaculations!!!

Of course I had to click on it, are you fucking kidding me? My mind was already swirling with paranoia and snarkery on how ejaculation, other than doing it yourself or fucking your girlfriend, could possibly be paranormal?

It made me terrified, just thinking about it. I mean, when you hear those two words together aren’t you wondering immediately where that psychic ho is? And whether she can strike at a moment’s notice?
Anyway, I clicked. And I have to tell you, when I first started reading the provided information, I really thought it sounded like something out of Twilight Zone. Then, I mean, I almost peed in my pants—there she was. The Psychic Orgasm Applicant herself—from Orgasmville USA!!!

SUZANNE SNARKETTE—“Paranormal Ejaculation Queen.”Suzanne Snarkette had applied for the Challenge, media presence requirement included, with the extraordinary claim that she could make men ejaculate with the power of her mind.

Ms. Snarkette had also presented a dozen affidavits from young college students who testified that she made them uncontrollably ejaculate with the power of her mind.

Everybody at P. U. (Poughkeepsie University) knew it was true. The football team knew it, the crewteam it, the frat boyz knew it, even the lowly skuzzy pimply-faced freshmen in the dorms knew it. Ms. Snarkette, according to all the young men on campus, had weird abnormal psychic powers over the male population. All she had to do was look at a guy—and he’d cream his shorts right then & there. It was so embarrassing—and yet laughable at the same time.

Pretty soon she was in business—giving guyz a great opportunity for students to get even with professors they didn’t like. Right in the middle of class—some snarky professor would go spaz & the whole class would laugh their socks off. The same with guyz at a party after a game—Ms. Snarkette got rich that way just on weekends. She was the life of the party—embarrassing guyz and their girlfriends to no end. While everybody else—snarked it up…

The guyz at P. U. heard about the Contest—and make Suzanne Snarkette apply. The deal was to make a million—and split it up between Ms. Snarkette and the mischevious ringleaders. The chief psychic investigator from the Foundation showed up right away—eager to find out the skanky Psychic Truth of the shocking matter. He invited all the males who offered an avadavat and Ms. Snarkette to a secret meeting—in a motel room at the local Poughkeepsie Holiday Inn.

All dozen men were asked to disrobe—and they were closely examined to see if they were kosher young studs. They ranged from tall handsome football players and cocky wise-ass fraternity boyz—all the way down to a couple of smirky snarky embarrassed freshmen who couldn’t wait to get it over with.

Ms. Snarkette was brought into the motel room—blindfolded so she couldn’t use the Evil Eye. The psychic ejaculation had to be completely psychic—with no hypnotic suggestion or pseudo Medusa touch. Cameras and web-cams were hooked up with the Internet—so that many youtube ogling eyeballs from coast to coast could observe the so-called Psychic Phenomenon happening live and in shameless Technicolor.

The young Poughkeepsie University men were asked to line up against the motel wall while the Investigator counted to 10. It was then that Ms. Snarkette was supposed to exert her mysterious erotic gift—either that or embarrass everybody with her inability to live up to her supposed psychic abilities.

Many of the nude young men were already visibly excited—anticipating the magic mental touch of Ms. Snarkette. The two snarky freshmen were especially anxious to get the experience going—they were both so weak in the knees they had to be help up by several nurses stationed in the motel room in case of any medical emergency.

The frat boyz and football players had already juiced themselves up at the local tavern—and were quite confident of themselves and the million dollar award they’d soon get. There were the usual smirks and raised eyebrows you usually get—when aroused males guffaw and gawk at each other. But it was all subsumed by one thing— the $1,000,000 award for passing the Test.

Ms. Snarkette only had one request—and that was for all the young gentlemen to surround her there in that Holiday Inn motel room. After all the young men joined together in a somewhat jocular mood in a circle around Ms. Snarkette—that’s when the Test began.

Nothing happened at first—but then suddenly all hell broke loose. It was like a scene out of Carrie—the famous horror movie. Just like Sissy Spacek at that terrible Prom from Hell—Ms. Snarkette was suddenly getting inundated with buckets full of oozing, stinking, slimy stuff.

But of course it wasn’t buckets of pig’s blood like Sissy Spacek got—but it was still awfully porcine anyway. It drenched Ms. Snarkette there in that motel room. But none of the young men realized that Ms. Snarkette’s power of telekinesis, the power to move things with her mind, went far beyond mere psychic ejaculations!!!

Just like Sissy Spacek in Carrie—Ms. Snarkette got caught up in the enormity of her burgeoning psychic sexuality. Never had she exerted her incredible telekinesis powers—on so many young virile seminal males at the same time. She got carried away—she couldn’t control herself!!!

It was like what happened to Sissy Spacek—blowing her psychic circuit breakers!!! She became transformed—from an innocent college girl to a testosterone-crazed Female Godzilla Stomping Tokyo!!! She didn’t know when to Stop!!!

Soon the investigator, the technicians, the nurses, the people next door, the whole Holiday Inn—and then all of Poughkeepsie itself got sucked into the mysterious vortex of Ms. Snarkette’s unearthly paranormal pussy powers!!!!

Soon a growing Power Blackout radiated out from New York—engulfing all of New England. Across the Northern Hemisphere—men were dropping like flies. It was as if the whole planet had become engulfed—by Ms. Snarkette’s strange clairvoyant erotic powers.

It was truly The Day the Earth Stopped Still—much to the embarrassment of every red-blooded helpless male from Poughkeepsie to Hump Tulips!!! From the Big Apple—to the Big Easy!!! From the Earth to the Moon!!! From the Beltway—to the Rings of Saturn!!!

The Psychic Incident was quickly hushed up—the boyz were richly rewarded and told to shut up. The Foundation closed down—and Ms. Snarkette was immediately commandeered & hidden away by various secret religious and corporate powers. Ms. Snarkette had become a hopeless basket case— after the shocking Holiday Inn experiment. She started saying her ability was a gift from God—and that she was one of His angels.

There I was reading all this on my computer—my ogling eyeballs staring at the Foundation files. Then I started laughing hysterically… Here was God’s gift to man—a telepathic quickie!!! But did they want it? Noooooo. Men preferred the old fashioned way—with them in control. Who needed a super-psychic ho with mental powers—when all you really needed was just a regular girlfriend or wife?

Besides, psychic ejaculation really sucked! I mean ask any male and he’ll tell you nocturnal emissions aren’t fun. It happens during early adolescence—and all guys have to go thru it. It’s a sort of loss of innocence—but even more a feeling of total lack of control. One quickly realizes that one’s body—is really a troubling psychic machine. With its own inbuilt telepathic powers—and mysterious wetdreams that come straight from the subconscious.

Who needs a Suzanne Snarkette—for that kind of crummy snarky hormonal insight? I couldn’t help but think though—what those guys did with their hush-money. The rumor was they each got $1,000,000 to keep their mouths shut—about the real cause of the scary planetary blackout…

A million bucks!!! Not bad for a lost weekend—at the No Tell Motel!!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...