Friday, July 12, 2013

Bad Biology


“I've always been bad”
― Evelyn Waugh, 
Brideshead Revisited

I've always been bad. Probably I’ll be bad the rest of my doomed existence, punished again and again by the living crimes that I am. I’m a walking sideshow Carnival nightmare, the worse I get, the more I hate Baron Frankenstein for creating me. I can't shut my eyes without hearing the voices of all the dead men struggling and screaming inside me.

I don’t know how to ask for His mercy. ... Because it’s a private bargain between me and the Devil. That if I don’t give up this one thing I want so much, to be a human being, then no matter how bad I am, I won't quite despair of myself in the end. 

At least I tried to be like the Others, even though I was and would be always an ugly beastly evil Monster. There would be no change in me from the minute I was stitched together into the transplant travesty that I am today. 

There would be no reward, no escape from this haunting, this magical sickness which speaks straight to the heart and strikes me with silence. Because I am the completion of EVIL!!!

No comments: