The Baker Boy’s Tale

The Baker Boy’s Tale
—for Lewis Carroll

They roused him with Sartre so very cynical—
They roused him with No Exit so very clinical
They roused him with The Exterminating Angel—
Buñuel that surrealistic, bourgeois-baiting cad

After awhile the Baker opened his eyes—
“C’mon now, Baker Boy. And tell us no Lies!!!”
The Bellman cried desperately, tingling his bell—
And hushing up the rest of the Snarke soriee

Silence el Supremo ruled—not a peep was heard—
Not a sound, not even the splash of a little turd
As the Baker Boy told his story of Snarky woe—
In that antediluvian tone of his so very low

“My father and mother simply hated me—”

“Skip all that!” cried the Bellman in haste

“It’s gettting dark very soon, and there’ll be—
No chance of a Snark—no more snide remarks!!” 

“Okay, I’ll skip my tortured London boyhood—
Proceeding without further delay to that day
When you took me aboard your fine ship—
To help you in the Hunt for the Snarke.”

“Her Majesty the Queen of Hearts what a Tart!—
Shouted off with my head giving me a start!”
“Oh, skip the Queen of Hearts!” the Bellman cried—
Tingling his little tingle-ling so very tensely

“She remarked to me then,” said the Baker Boy—
“If your Snarke be a Snarke—then off with its Head!
Fetch it back to court—where it will come in handy—
During a sticky wicket playing croquet so dandy!!!”

“The ears you can use for handles,” the Queen said—
“Great for queenly cunninglingus & royal fellatio
“That’s exactly the method,” the Bellman so bold—
Ejaculated loudly before the brave band of Hunters.

“But oh, beamish Baker Boy,” the Queen warned—
“If your Snarke be a Boojum—you’re surely doomed
For there’s nothing worse than Boojum Blowjob—
It’ll suck you dry—and suddenly you’ll vanish!!!”

“It’s this I dread the most don’t you see?”—
Opined the Baker Boy quivering with anxiety
“When I think of my life once a bowl of cherries—
Disappearing with a Plop!!! Into a Snarke’s belly!!!

“This is all there is? That’s old news to us—
We’re the Fearless Snarkette Hunters, dear boy!!!”
But the Baker Boy nodded and said once more—
“The Snarky BJ Boojum—always says Nevermore!”

“I’ll engage you Brave Souls anytime you want—
I love to chit-chat with Men of Distinction & Class
I’ve enjoyed our Voyage very much you know—
The Barrister, the Bellman, the Banker & Beaver!”

“But surely during this hunt for the Snarke—
It’ll turn mean and become a badnews Boojum
I fear that we’ll all suddenly vanish away—
Something that fills me with Angst each day!!!”