Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Whiteboy Bondage—Black Deliverance

Whiteboy Bondage—Black Deliverance

“All the girls say—
I’m pretty black for
a white guy.”
—Wentworth Miller
The Human Stain

We must have—watched it a dozen times
“Imitation of Life”—there in the Bijou balcony
I could feel it—the black snake moaning
The scene with Troy Donahue—too much
Beating up Susan Kohner—in the back alley

Her pain & agony—made Dwayne Jerome sullen
Feeling the way she felt—mulatto broken-hearted
Able to pass in a white society—to be accepted
Only to have her secret—come out in the open
Her loving mother—Lana Turner’s Negro maid…

Tall handsome 16-year-old Dwayne Jerome
My incredibly beautiful nouveau half-brother
Living with me in the big mansion in Ingeville
My whole life hopelessly—revolving around him
My long lost young Chicago brother Jerome!!!

“I think that Bill Inge
had already made up
his mind to invoke this
same shadow and to
suffuse it with light”
—Tennessee Williams

Like Tennessee Williams—and William Inge
I struggled to invoke—the same Shadow
The invoked One—A Streetcar Named Desire
The One—The Dark at the Top of the Stairs
My Shadow Twin—Dwayne Jerome Jones!!!

Naively I thought—I’d suffuse it with Light
But Jerome’s Bondage & Deliverance was
Much more than just fun—falling in love
Was serious business—the Dark Other
I desperately craved—thru Mulatto S & M!!!

Whips and black leather—hanging from the
Ceiling in chains—all the pleasures & pains
I imagined—my so-called Whiteboy Bondage!!!
But it was just nothing—compared to Jerome’s
Exquisite Mulatto Love and Deliverance!!!

Surely it was more than just Penis Envy???
Knowing my younger brother—was more
Endowed than me—his African manhood???
Suddenly I became one—with the Shadow
My lips touched—The Heart of Darkness!!!

It was simply shameless—and unforgivable
Being a Size Queen—for one’s kid brother…
His blood flowing through me—as surely as it
Flowed through his father—and our mother…
The Family Tree—wanting to get inside me!!!

Those naïve old-fashioned whitey Westerns—
The Calvary soldier and Indian slicing their
Hands and pressing them together saying
“Now we’re blood-brothers, Kimosabe!!!”
“Now we’re like blood-brothers, Tonto!!!”

It takes a lot more—than just that, baby
Dwayne Jerome and me—simpatico smoochers
My hot mulatto brother—always with a pout
Africa running through him—running thru me
Goodbye Heartache—Hello Mulatto Love!!!

Jerome had mother’s eyes—her winning ways
His bright orange pubes—simply amazing me
All the different ways—two brothers can be
Alike—all the different ways they can be lost
Strangers to each other—lost and then found

The way I felt about him—unnaturally ashamed
There was no depth—to how ashamed I got
Shame made me do things—I’d never done before
Dwayne Jerome so very mean—getting off on
Watching a dirty whiteboy—beg for it…

Sullen and moody—Jerome my Troy Donahue
Beating the shit out of Susan Kohner in the alley
All that same anger and pent-up mulatto angst
Dwayne Jerome taking it out on me—
The more I hurt—the more I wanted it bad

Roughing me up—because I was Vanilla fag
Funny how the pain didn’t hurt—I loved it!!!
In fact anything that Jerome did to hurt me
Made me feel just the opposite—it felt good
Which was asking for trouble—and I got it!!!

You know that scene—in The Maltese Falcon?
Humphrey Bogart pistol-whipping Peter Lorre
“You’ll take it and like it!!!”—he says to Peter Lorre
I took it like Peter Lorre—when Dwayne Jerome
Pistol-whipped me—with his big black heater

I took it and liked it—like Bogart said
What can I say?—I should’ve been more shy?
Embarrassed by such an exquisite mulatto Prince?
All the Shame and Embarrassment in the world—
Couldn’t stop me loving my kid brother all the way!!!

Jerome was Darkness—at the Top of the Stairs
Jerome was Darkness—Splendor in the Grass
Jerome was Darkness—the kind Inge was after
Writing his novel—“Good Luck, Mrs. Wyckoff”
An old story about—tormented interracial love

Whiteboy Bondage—Black Deliverance
The more I got into it—sliding up beside him
His Mandingo Love—the more I understood
What Robert Mapplethorpe—meant when
He said—“Once you’ve gone black…”

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