Friday, March 6, 2009

Doing Plan 9 From Outer Space

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1956)

Some days—start off bad
And they—just get worse & worse
Like a really bad—Ed Wood Jr. movie

Things start out okay—even perfect
Like Orson Welles—and Kane
Perfectly in control—every facet

But then—things collapse
The whole day’s filming—crashes
How to salvage—one’s life from wreckage?

Life as—motion picture technique
A textbook demonstration—of failure
How autobiography—becomes camp

One sad scene—Bela Lugosi
Standing outside—his dumpy home
Yet still there’s this—campy nostalgia

Probably because—Bela’s soon dead
Sticking Eddie with—a couple of scenes
How to salvage them—into a movie?

That’s how Plan9—turns ‘50s camp
A space-alien story—zombie sci-fi flick
Night of the Living—Hollywood Dead

Wood’s new script—beyond the beyond
Beginning with—ludicrous flying saucers
Dangling in space—pie-plates from wires

Hit the “rewind” button—again & again
Police car with tail-fins—leave crime scenes
But no tail-fins—when they arrive

Military commanders—cast shadows
Across the so-called—blue sky above
Tacky cinematography—out of control

Pentagon offices—change overnight
Santa Fe Railroad—tourist maps
Come and go—on the dreary walls

Ed Woods Jr.—the story of my life
Mix of professional—semiprofessional
Amateur & non-existent—schmaltz

How to ad lib—and improvise
The worst script—and film possible
With a little gay—impromptu class?

Tor Johnson—from Bride of the Monster
Playing the mute brute—Lobo my love
If only he would keep—his mouth shut!!!

Lyle Talbot—never turning down a role
A reliable character actor—from Jailbait
Steve Reeves hot stuff—just ask Lyle

Western star—and drinking buddy
Tom Keene—rumored to be Hollywood’s
Most well-endowed—Grade-B actor

Grisly Criswell—bow-tied Mystic
La La Land’s favorite—narrating the
Story as it unfolds—or rather unravels

Vampira—friend of moody James Dean
Supreme television—Horror-Film Hostess
Glides through The Darkness—as usual

John Breckinridge—the Alien Leader
Swishes around—flaunting her Plan 9
Dudley Manlove—hammy lieutenant

And of course—dead Bela Lugosi
Billed as “Ghoul Man”—in the credits
His role left over—from original movie

What to do with Bela—dead of course
Deader than usual—deader than Dracula
What to do with—miscellaneous footage?

Wood needed Bela—even when dead
To complete his—aborted vampire epic
Using a double—cape covering face

Like me—Ed Woods had shortcomings
Teen exploitation—and drive-in flicks
Movies like—Plan 9 From Outer Space

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