Monday, January 26, 2009

Mexican Horror Flicks

Brainiac (1961)
El Baron Del Terror

“The Original Uncut Version”!!!

Armando—was cute!!!
Armando was my—Mexican lawnboy
The Lawn—never got mowed…
The Hedge—never got trimmed…
The Roses—never got clipped…
The Hydrangeas—drooped & died…
But my Gutters—got cleaned, baby…
Every weekend—that’s for sure!!!

Armando and I—got along just fine
He was a nice Top—me a decent Bottom
A Bottom Fish that is—Armando was a Shark
We ended up watching—lots of movies
Lots of Mexican—Horror Flicks
Armando couldn’t—speak English
I didn’t—speak Spanish much
So we watched movies—instead
Usually all night—in my bedroom
The Flatscreen—up on the Wall
The best kind—of movies
Cheap Mexican—Horror Flicks!!!

Armando—was 18 years old
Armando—was from Mexico City
Armando—was a sexy young Desperado
Armando—was illegal in more ways than one…
Armando—looked like a chicken Gael García Bernal
Armando—had a peach-moustache on his upper lip
Armando—pouted a lot—that made it even better
Armando—played hard to get drove me crazy
Armando—didn’t like Amores perros (2000)
Armando—didn’t like Crimes of Padre Amaro (2003)
Armando—liked Motorcycle Diaries (2004) tho

Brainiac—El Baron Del Terror!!!!
That was his favorite—Mexican Horror Flick
We were always—watching Brainiac all the time
At least a million times—oh those juicy Sat Nights!!!
Naturally I identified—with El Baron Del Terror
I was good at—impersonating Baron Vitelius
Burning at the Stake—vowing queenly Revenge
Little did my Inquisitors—foresee the Horror
300 years later—me descending from the Sky
A tacky special effects stunt—evil meteorite me
PLOP!!!!—back down to Earth I came…

Abel Salazar plays the Baron—I was better than him!!!
My quivering lizard-like—pink Forked Tongue
The most Perverted—Horrible Tongue in Mexico!!!
It was simply Disgusting—like a Snake or Gila Monster
Flicking it in out—I could smell Pussy for miles…
The Baron and I knew how—to get that Tongue in there
Sucking the Brain Pan dry—down to the Last Drop
What a tasty Habit—sucking all that runny Brain Snot
Giving all the Call Girls—one big giant SLURP!!!
Sticking my twitching—horrible Forked Tongue
Right up their Twats—Killer Cunnilingus so Fine
Spook Show Matinees—Creaming in the Aisles!!!
Late Night Monster Movies—Brainiac in the Balcony!!!

Brainiac the Movie—makes Basket Case look Naive…
Brainiac the Movie—makes Psycho look Amateur…
Brainiac the Movie—makes Dracula look Effete…
Brainiac the Movie—makes Alien look schmaltzy
Brainiac the Movie—always turns Armando on!!!

Especially when—I weasel my Forked Tongue…
All the way up—his tight Teen Mexican Asshole…
Talk about Dirty Gringo—Rim Job Fun!!!
I was better than— El Baron Del Terror
I was more Slutty—I took my Time
I was more Sneaky—than snarky Abel Salazar
My Forked Tongue—wouldn’t come out Easy
It popped out like a Cork—when Armando popped
Armando laid in bed awhile—smoking a joint
“Okay Fag Gringo”—he’d hiss at me
“Andele, man”—“Fork me again…”

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